Mike Gagliano's Stoopid Blog

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The following post was originally written on 20 Feb, and amended on 24 Feb 2012.

This irony is not lost on me:

I’m spending a sunny Presidents’ Day afternoon drinking at the bar, writing this blog, and lamenting the lack of a quality presidential candidate to vote for.

I could spend a great deal of time railing upon each candidate’s shortcomings, or why I like/hate each of them. Instead, I’ve decided to extend the opportunity for each candidate to win over my vote, as well as the votes of millions of Americans.

The Centerpiece of Your Campaign Should Be “Job Creation.”

The most important topic you could be discussing is campaign finance reform. But since none of you are bold enough to fall on the sword of the political virtue that each of you claims (Exception: Buddy Roemer, R-LA), we’ll settle for the second most important thing: American jobs.

The national unemplyment rate continues to hover in the 9% range. Millions of Americans don’t require this reminder, because it’s the reality they deal with every day. However, those who are gainfully employed still wonder when one of you will present a legitimate plan for job creation in the U.S.

Additionally, each of you has discussed changes to the U.S. tax code, ad nauseum. While this is indeed important, your respective positions are all challenging to execute. Raise taxes and you’ll place more stress upon the consuming public. Lower taxes and the resulting decrease exacerbates the government’s difficulty paying its debts.

So, you’re not creating jobs, you’re complaining about companies leaving the U.S., and can’t figure out how to increase tax revenues without angering your consituency. 

I’d like to offer some simple, short-term solutions that can help you with all three problems.

1. Leave the current personal income taxes rates alone for now.

2. Lower the U.S. corporate tax rate from 35% to 20%.

3. Eliminate all current corporate tax loopholes, and replace them with one: Give companies a 100-200% tax deduction against all regular wages/salaries that they pay in a calendar year.

4. Offer a one-year, 100% tax holiday to any company repatriating its operations to the United States.

Yes, it’s a simple plan that likely requires nuancing, but if you’re brain is racing with thoughts of evil, evil mathematics, then allow me to simplify: Give companies incentive to get their butts back into the U.S., hire American workers, and let the influx of newly-created incomes help bolster both U.S. tax revenues and positive retail cash flows.

Take the idea and run with it, please. Nuance it where you must to get it passed through Congress. I don’t care if I ever get a lick of credit for it. 

Stop Speaking Against Gay Marriage

My reasons for this are simple: If we are to be a society of equality and liberty, then it stands to reason that gays and lesbians should be afforded the same right to be happy and/or miserable as the rest of us. Legally-married gays will not affect the quality of your own marriage.

Also, it has nothing to do with job creation.

Stop Talking About Debt Reduction

You’re not “Kicking the can down the road,” you’re dealing with the biggest fire first: Job creation. Once that fire is dealt with, you can much more effectively deal with the problem of debt and spending reduction. Also, the resulting positive tax revenues from job creation will provide you with more favorable numbers to navigate through your debt reduction discussions later.

Stop Talking About Abortion and Contraception

I could simply state that it’s not the federal government’s business to occupy anyone’s bedroom, but since this topic hits home for me, I’ll elaborate.

I am an adopted child. I was born in the summer of 1972, shortly before Roe V. Wade made abortions legal in most of the United States. I am very cognizant of the fact that my birth “got in under the wire,” and am quite thankful of that. Furthermore, I find the concept of abortion utterly repulsive.

However, my good fortune to have been born does not give me the right to impose my negative opinion of abortion upon a woman. I particularly wouldn’t dream of imposing my will upon a woman who became pregnant as a result of a violation of rape or incest.

There are married couples all over this country who are unable to have a child of their own. I’ve heard the cries of both the anti-abortion and pro-choice lobbies for decades now. But rarely do you hear the promotion of adoption as a viable choice for these mothers-to-be who cannot care for these children. 

There are clinics and counselors in this country who, thanklessly, tirelessly, work to intercede when others who claim to “passionately care” about these issues stand pat. To those who side “anti-abortion,” I’ll say this: You’ll never eliminate abortion via legislation. You’ll only eliminate abortion by changing hearts and minds; To accomplish that, you’ll need to inject yourself into the lives of those affected. Regardless of their decision, your involvement in their lives is what they really need most.

Also, the last time that sweeping behavioral legislation went into effect in this country was January 1, 1920, when Prohibition was enacted. That ended well.

One more thing regarding abortion: It has nothing to do with job creation.

Stop Talking About Placing Your Family’s Pet(s) on the Roof of Your Car During Your Family Vacation

It makes you sound like an abusive pet owner at best, a callous and insensitive idiot running for president at worst.

Also, it has nothing to do with job creation.

Stop Talking About Abolishing the Federal Reserve

If you truly grasped monetary policy, you’d be running the Fed instead of Ben Bernanke.

Also, it has little to do with job creation.

Stop Using Popular but Meaningless Political Catch-Phrases, Such As…

“Class Warfare”

This comment is squarely directed at the sitting U.S. President for whom I voted in 2008.

The situation of which you speak is not simply “The Rich vs. The Poor.” I must reiterate: Unless you’re willing to take the bold (but necessary) step of addressing campaign finance reform, then all of your talk is meaningless.

Video

“…We’re sitting here arguing about whether we should do the $4 trillion plan that kicks the can down the road for the President for 2017, or burn the place to the ground. Both of which [plans] are reckless, irresponsible and stupid…The fact of the matter is, there is a refusal on both the Democratic and Republican sides of the aisle to acknowledge the mathematical problem: The United States of America is being extracted. It’s being extracted through banking, it’s being extracted through trade, and it’s being extracted through taxation. And there’s not a single politician that’s stepped forward to deal with this.

“I would like [President Obama] to go to the people of the United States of America and say, ‘People of the United States of America, your Congress is bought. Your Congress is incapable of making legislation on health care, banking, trade or taxes, because if they do it, they will lose their political funding…But I’m the President of the United States, and I won’t have a country that is run by a bought Congress. So, I’m not going to work with a bought Congress…I’m going to abandon the bought Congress,’ like Teddy Roosevelt did.”

-Dylan Ratigan

You campaigned on “Not The Same Ol’ Politics As Usual” in 2008 and miserably failed to deliver.

Stop fanning the flames of the American public’s anger, and actually do something about it. Or, you could simply focus on job creation.

Which brings me to a widely-GOP-used catch-phrase…

“Job Creators”

You don’t mean “Job-Creators,” you mean “The 1%.” You mean those people the left has dubbed the “Super-Rich,” the people that Warren Buffet has said need to pay more in personal income taxes.

Those people, your “Job Creators,” have not seen a rise in their personal income tax rate since Barack Obama last campaigned for the Presidency. That being the case, where are the “Jobs” you claim they “Create?”

I actually agree with you: We should, in fact, lower the taxes of those who create jobs in America: Businesses.

Okay, I’ve now spoken my piece about what I (and many Americans) want to see from a presidential candidate in 2012. Now I’ll continue drinking my Guinness until one of you takes these policies to the national stage.

(LONG PAUSE)

I’m going to be here for a long time, aren’t I?

Mike Gagliano is an amateur writer; Mike is employed as Production/Creative Services Director for Greater Media’s WRIF-FM in Detroit, MI. The views expressed here are solely those of  the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff, management, ownership or sponsors of WRIF Radio or its parent company, Greater Media, Inc.